Pays To Know In Advance
Kubler-Ross, in her 1969 book, "On Death and Dying",
identified five distinct phases which a dying person encounters.
These stages are:
a proper understanding of these stages let us take a look at a
person who has just been made aware of the fact that he has
approximately 6 months more as he is suffering from lung cancer.
can be recognized as the state of disbelief: "This isn't
really happening to me," or "This must be somebody
else's' scan report" or "The doctor doesn't know
what he is talking about." The same feelings are often
expressed by family members and friends.
denial ceases and the realization of impending death is
develops. "Why me?" or "Why them?" in
the case of the significant others. Anger may be felt toward
the doctors, toward God, toward family and friends. Anger,
though, doesn't change the person's fate. They are still in
the process of dying. So next comes bargaining.
the person may become religious, trying to repent for all the sins
that may be bringing about their early demise. "If you
let me live, I will never smoke again, I will be a better person,
I will help mankind. Please let me live, and I will make it
worth your while." This stage, too, will come to an
the patient, becoming aware he is helpless to prevent his
impending fate, enters depression.
The patient begins to isolate himself from his surroundings.
He relinquishes his responsibilities and begins a period of self
mourning. He becomes preoccupied with the fact that his life
is coming to an end. Symptoms of depression are obvious to
anyone having contact with the patient in this stage. When
the patient finally overcomes this depression he will enter the
last stage, acceptance.
patient now reaches what can be seen as an emotionally neutral
stage. He almost seems devoid of feelings. Instead of
death being viewed as a terrifying or horrible experience, he now
peacefully accepts his fate.
stages are not only seen in the dying person but likewise in the
family members mourning the loss of a loved one. However, on
careful observation we can see these same stages in people who
lose anything. It doesn't have to be the loss of a loved
one. It could be the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, and
even the loss of an inanimate object. Yes, even when a
person loses a call letter for an interview, she may go through
the five stages of dying.
she denies the loss of the letter. "Oh, I know it is
around here somewhere." She patiently looks in her
files and folders knowing any minute she will find it. But
soon, she begins to realize she has searched out all of the
logical locations. Now you begin to see anger.
Slamming the drawers, throwing away unnecessary files of her desk,
swearing at the darned letter for disappearing. Then comes
bargaining: "If I ever find the letter I will not misplace it
again." It is almost like she is asking the letter to
come out and assuring it that she will give it its due importance.
Soon, she realizes the letter is gone. She is
depressed. How will she ever forget the loss of an
opportunity which could have transformed her life for ever?
Then, she finally accepts the fact that the letter is gone and so
is the opportunity. Life goes on. A week later the letter is
forgotten as she sits down again with the news paper scanning the
appointments classified section.
does all this have to do with why people don't quit smoking?
People who attempt to give up smoking go through these five
stages. They must successfully overcome each specific phase
to deal with the next. Some people have particular
difficulty conquering a specific phase, causing them to relapse
back to smoking. Let's analyze these specific phases as
encountered by the abstaining smoker.
you read The Honest Confession "How
many of you felt that you will never smoke again?" I will
consider it remarkable, if even one or two people out of the
hundreds who have consulted this section of Twilight Bridge.com
felt affirmative. Most of the readers are in a state
- they will not quit smoking. Other prevalent manifestations
of denial are: "I don't want to quit smoking," or
"I am perfectly healthy while smoking, so why should I
stop," or "I am different, I can control my smoking at
one or two a day." These people, through their denial,
set up obstacles to even attempt quitting and hence have very
little chance of success.
who successfully overcome denial progress to anger.
We hear so many stories of how difficult it is to live with
a recovering smoker. Your friends avoid you, your employer
sends you home, sometimes permanently, and you are generally no
fun to be with. Most smokers do successfully beat this
is probably the most dangerous stage in the effort to stop
smoking. "Oh boy, I could sneak this one and nobody
will ever know it." "Things are really tough
today, I will just have one to help me over this problem, no more
after that." "Maybe I'll just smoke today, and
quit again tomorrow." It may be months before these
people even attempt to quit again.
usually follows once you successfully overcome bargaining without
taking that first drag. For the first time you start to
believe you may actually quit smoking. But instead of being
overjoyed, you start to feel like you are giving up your best
friend. You remember the good times with cigarettes and
disregard the detrimental effects of this dangerous and dirty
habit and addiction. At this point more than ever "one
day at a time" becomes a life saver. Because tomorrow
may bring acceptance.
you reach the stage of acceptance,
you get a true perspective of what smoking was doing to you and
what not smoking can do for you. Within two weeks the
addiction is broken and, hopefully, the stages are successfully
overcome and, finally, life goes on.
becomes much simpler, happier and more manageable as an ex-smoker.
Your self esteem is greatly boosted. Your physical state is
much better than it would ever have been if you continued to
smoke. It is a marvelous state of freedom. Anyone can
break the addiction and beat the stages. It is upto you to
decide when, where and how you want to pass through the five
a lung cancer patient with hardly 6 months to live
a determined person ready to face the tumult of withdrawal
followed by a life that will be health, wealth and wise.
presume you have obviously chosen the latter. Now that you will be
able to theorize and anticipate what lies in store for you,
overcoming the obstacles of quitting and overriding the occasional
craving will be easier.
can make the difference |
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