New Year's Resolutions 

Still haven't decided on your resolutions. Well here is my collection of failed resolutions in all its  tarnished glory. Why don't you check off the ones you've tried to see how we compare.
You could also use the following as a checklist. Having checked your goals, come back in a few months re-check them and see how you're doing! Don't forget to have a laugh.


Exercise (Jogging? Swimming? Using the Hamster Wheel?)

Get in Shape (the sequel to Exercise. But what shape? Square?  Rectangle? I understand ovals are popular this year . . .)

Help Medical Science Join a clinical trial... Hangovers?

Smile more (Enjoyed a career as a fast food cashier)

Change Careers (see Smile More above)

Quit Smoking (I keep this one. Of course, I've never smoked.)

Get a Life (No one was willing to give me theirs, so that fell through . . .)

Feeling Guilty (I kept this one! Maybe I should have specified not feeling guilt . . .)

Save Money (I was going to start keeping this right after Christmas, really . . .)

Make More Money (after Smile More and Change Careers?  Are you joking?)

Increase Productivity (I ate more fiber . . .)

Go Back to School (A huge mistake. Turns out my Grade One teacher remembered me . . .)

Be Happy (I kept this one for three months. My friends threatened to institutionalize me . . .)

Honesty (Warning! I was arrested once, sued twice and almost divorced because of this one . . .)

Lose Weight (I wore lighter shirts and weighed myself in the nude. Gained ten pounds . . .)

Eat Better (Gained ten more pounds . . .)

Relax More (Notice how those two little words make your muscles tense and your blood pressure rise?)

Healthy Lifestyle (Amazing! Eat better, lose weight and exercise all wrapped up in one ego-draining package!)

Get More Sleep (Was doing well until the boss heard me snoring in my cubicle . . .)

Get a New Job (See Get More Sleep above . . .)

Stress Management (I managed so well I reported a 150% increase in stress by the end of the first quarter. Who says I'm not cut out to be CEO?)

Get Organized (Never did get around to this one . . .)