Exercise
(Jogging? Swimming? Using the Hamster Wheel?)
Get
in Shape
(the sequel to Exercise. But what shape? Square?
Rectangle? I understand ovals are popular this
year . . .)
Help
Medical Science Join
a clinical trial... Hangovers?
Smile
more
(Enjoyed a career as a fast food cashier)
Change
Careers
(see Smile More above)
Quit
Smoking
(I keep this one. Of course, I've never smoked.)
Get
a Life
(No one was willing to give me theirs, so that fell
through . . .)
Feeling
Guilty
(I kept this one! Maybe I should have specified not
feeling guilt . . .)
Save
Money
(I was going to start keeping this right after
Christmas, really . . .)
Make
More Money
(after Smile More and Change Careers? Are you
joking?)
Increase
Productivity
(I ate more fiber . . .)
Go
Back to School
(A huge mistake. Turns out my Grade One teacher
remembered me . . .)
Be
Happy
(I kept this one for three months. My friends
threatened to institutionalize me . . .)
Honesty
(Warning! I was arrested once, sued twice and
almost divorced because of this one . . .)
Lose
Weight
(I wore lighter shirts and weighed myself in the nude.
Gained ten pounds . . .)
Eat
Better
(Gained ten more pounds . . .)
Relax
More
(Notice how those two little words make your muscles
tense and your blood pressure rise?)
Healthy
Lifestyle
(Amazing! Eat better, lose weight and exercise all
wrapped up in one ego-draining package!)
Get
More Sleep
(Was doing well until the boss heard me snoring in my
cubicle . . .)
Get
a New Job
(See Get More Sleep above . . .)
Stress
Management
(I managed so well I reported a 150% increase in
stress by the end of the first quarter. Who says I'm
not cut out to be CEO?)
Get
Organized
(Never did get around to this one . . .)
