High Holiday Humor              

A good laugh is always good for mind and the soul, and more so, if it happens to

be in tune with the ongoing festival. We have a small collection of High Holiday jokes below. We hope that you will like them. Please forward this site to your friends, for jokes are for sharing! Also note that these are just jokes, not be taken seriously. Enjoy!

Army of G-d

A friend was in front of me coming out of the Synagogue one day, and as always the Rabbi was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Rabbi said to him, "You need to join the Army of G-d!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of G-d, Rabbi."

Rabbi questioned, "How come I don't see you except for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." 

Blowing the Chauffeur

A Catholic chauffeur was bragging to his friend how well the Jewish family who employed him treated him. "You wouldn't believe it," he said. "I get tips galore, and they always buy me lunch or dinner when I drive. My salary is great, with benefits! I get off all holidays, including the Jewish ones, like Rosh Hashanah."
"That sounds pretty good," said the friend. "But what's Rosh Hashanah?"
"Oh, that's when they blow the shofar**."
"Wow!" said the amazed friend. "Those are SOME benefits!"
(** The Shofar, a ram's horn, is the oldest wind instrument. The sounding of the Shofar is the most ancient rite in the Rosh HaShana observances.)

Divorce proceedings

A Jewish parent calls his son in New York. The father says to David, "I hate to tell you, but your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we are divorcing. That's it!! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I am telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out." The father hangs up, and David immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle this." The sister calls Florida and gets her father on the phone. She pleads to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING 'til David and I get there! We will be there Friday night." The father says, "All right, all right already." When the father hangs up the phone he hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for Rosh Hashana

Four Boats

Ben Cohen is a devoutly religious man who believes in the power of prayer. His house is caught in the rising waters of a devastating flood. A row boat comes by to rescue him; he refuses it because he waits for his God to save him. As the waters rise Cohen climbs higher and higher up his house, refusing each successive boat that comes by. Finally he drowns and goes to heaven. He complains bitterly to the Lord that he was such a good Jew and yet the Lord had forsaken him "How can you say that?" the Lord retorts. "I sent four boats for you!"