was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were
terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest
of the Israelites were mad at him and making the
overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was
about ready to give up.
Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:
"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad
Moses was staggered. The voice continued:
"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from
bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I
will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs"
"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the
Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite
Egypt with a plague of Locust."
"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to
freedom and safety. If Pharaoh's army pursues you, I
will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to
the Promised Land."
Moses was stunned. He stammered, "That's.... that's
fantastic. I can't believe it! --- But what's the bad
"You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact
orthodox Rabbi dies and goes to heaven. As he's
gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels
begins to get excited. The lead angel approaches the
Rabbi and asks
if he would mind stepping aside for a moment. Shocked,
the Rabbi does so.
The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who
approached the gates. The man is an Egged bus driver
pronounced like egg-head without the h, is the Israeli
company.] The joyous parade of angels carry the bus
driver in ahead
of the Rabbi.
When the parade is gone, an angel returns to the Rabbi
and says, "You
can come in now." The angel begins to lead the
Rabbi inside alone.
The Rabbi, somewhat confused, says, "I'm not one to
make waves or
anything, but I need to know something. I think I've
been a good
Rabbi. I've worked hard all my life. Why is it that the
driver gets led in by a band of angels ahead of
The angel says, "Well, frankly, Rabbi, whenever you
slept. But whenever he drove, people prayed."
little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his
father asked, "what did you learn today?"
He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the
children of Israel out of Egypt."
The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he
beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the
people together and ran towards the sea. When he got
there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge
pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they
blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to
The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi
The boy replied, "No. But you'd never believe the
story he DID tell us!"
Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red
Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses
of how thirsty they were after walking so far.
Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the
walls of water on either side of them, as they were made
up of salt-water.
Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he
and his family heard the complaints of the people, but
that they through their own gills could remove the salt
from the water and force it out of their mouths like a
fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as
they walked by.
Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the
fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they
had a demand. They and their descendants had to be
always present at the seder meal that would be
established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a
part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave
them their name which remains how they are known to this
very day, for he said to them, "Go Filter
a young Jewish boy, decided he wanted to be an
aeronautical engineer and build airplanes. Over the
years he studied hard, went to the best schools, and
finally got his degree. It didn't take long before he
gained a reputation as the finest aeronautical engineer
in all the land, so he decided to start his own company
to build jets.
His company was such a hit that the President of the
United States called Bernie into his office.
"Bernie," the president said, "the
President of Israel wants to commission your company to
build an advanced jet fighter for his country. You have
our approval--go out and design him the best jet fighter
Needless to say, Bernie was tremendously excited at this
prospect. The entire resources of his company went into
building the most advanced jet fighter in history.
Everything looked terrific on paper, but when they held
the first test flight of the new jet, disaster struck.
The wings couldn't take the strain--they broke clean off
of the fuselage! (The test pilot parachuted to safety,
thank G-d.) Bernie was devastated; his company
redesigned the jet fighter, but the same thing happened
at the next test flight--the wings broke off again.
Beside himself with worry, Bernie went to his Schul to
pray...to ask G-d where he had gone wrong. The rabbi saw
Bernie's sadness, and naturally asked him what the
matter was. Bernie decided to pour his heart out to the
After hearing the problem with the jet fighter, the
rabbi put his arm on Bernie's shoulder and told him,
"Listen, I know how to solve your problem. All you
have to do is drill a row of holes directly above and
below where the wing meets the fuselage. If you do this,
I absolutely guarantee the wings won't fall off."
Bernie just smiled and thanked the rabbi for his
advice...but the more he thought about it, the more he
realized he had nothing to lose. Maybe the rabbi had
some holy insight. So Bernie did exactly what the rabbi
told him to do. On the next design of the jet fighter,
they drilled a row of holes directly above and below
where the wings met the fuselage. And...it worked!! The
next test flight went perfectly!
Brimming with joy, Bernie went to the Schul to tell the
rabbi that his advice had worked. "Naturally,"
said the rabbi, "I never doubted it would."
"But Rabbi, how did you know that drilling the
holes would prevent the wings from falling off?"
"Bernie," the rabbi intoned, "I'm an old
man. I've lived for many, many years and I've celebrated
Passover many, many times. And in all those years, not
once--NOT ONCE--has the matzo broken on the perforation.