1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure
2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.
5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of
pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a
Potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and
you do it.
9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your
child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one
your child eats.
11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into
14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.
15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when
you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"
16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't
get that disease.
18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your
husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the
19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
20. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for
this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for