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Independence Day One Liners

These one liners are only meant to add more smiles, chuckles and guffaws to your celebrations. They are not meant to hurt anyone's sentiments and we request you to take them in the true spirit of the famous American humor. Enjoy!!!

What is the most common educational degree in New Mexico?
Kindergarten dropout.

Why do New Mexicans drink less Kool-Aid than folks in other states?
Because they have such a hard time getting two quarts of water into that little envelope.

How do you recognize a Virginian staying in a fancy hotel?
He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.

Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?

A Bangor resident went to the airport and asked for a roundtrip ticket.
The ticket agent asked, "Where to?"
The Mainer said, "Well, back here, of course."

Why is Otto the most common name in Minnesota?
There's only two letters to remember.

How did the Cleveland cop lose his contact lens?
The putty fell out of his eye!

Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party.

"They caught Hughie last night burglarizin' a house in Birmingham 'cause he broke two windows."
"Why'd he do that?"
"One to get in, and one to get out."

What can most Alabama kids do by the age of twelve?
Wave bye-bye.

How can you tell when a North Dakotan has class?
When the words on his tattoo are spelled correctly.

Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so she had his name legally changed to "Machine Washable"?

Did you hear about the New Yorker who was killed in a pie-eating contest?
The cow sat on him.

What's considered a major cultural event with social significance in Idaho?
A black-and-white Road Runner cartoon.

"How come you're only watering half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.
"I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."

What's considered a solid hour's reading in Iowa?
The back of a cereal box.

A North Dakota farmer was visiting Las Vegas. He had no money to gamble, so he watched the games and bet mentally. In no time at all, he'd lost his mind.


Did you hear about the Texan who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?
Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.

A woman walked into a South Carolina country store and said, "Do you keep brown sugar?"
"No, ma'am," replied the owner. "When it gets dirty we throw it away."

Iowa girl: Daddy, I'm pregnant. Father: Are you sure it's yours?

Why don't Nebraskans throw dinner parties? They can't remember how to spell R.S.V.P.

What do they call anybody with an IQ of ninety in Louisiana?

What's a henpecked Georgia husband?
A guy who doesn't know how to tell his pregnant wife he's sterile.

What do Mississippi mothers write on the labels of their kids' clothes?
"Shirt . . . Pants . . . Dress . . ."

Did you hear about the Montana moron who went looking for a gas leak with a safety match?

What are the rules of the famous Virginia Beach guessing game?
One player leaves the room, and the others have to guess which one of them has left.

Why did the Minnesotan buy only one snow boot for winter?
He'd heard there was going to be only one foot of snow.

What are the worst five years in the life of a West Virginian?
Third grade.

What's the difference between a Kansan and Yogurt?
Yogurt has culture.

Did you hear about the Murfreesboro muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the bees?
The next day, the Tennessean was stung by a bee and thought he was pregnant.


Why do folks from Arkansas find it so hard to read?
Because they never learned to move their lips right.

How do Alaska CB radio operators say "10-4"?

What's the only thing thicker than a Kansan's sideburns? What's between them.

Treadwell walked into a Biloxi stationery store and asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?"
"Certainly sir," said the owner. "What color?"

What's the most popular TV show in Billings?
"90 Minutes" they have to slow it down so people can follow it.

Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab?
He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers, "Taxi!"

What's the first lesson a Staten Island teenager learns at driving school?
How to open a locked car with a coat hanger.

What does a Wisconsinite call his pet zebra? "Spot."

What do you call a Georgian who works for the U.S. Forest Service?
An overachiever.

What do you get when you cross a flower with a Montana civil service worker?
A blooming idiot.

What's the easiest job in Florida?
Intelligence officer in the Florida National Guard.

Did you hear about the Brooklyn bubble brain who was two hours late for work because the escalator got stuck?



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