Jokes and Oneliners

On Groundhog Day what does it mean if the groundhog sees a stupid monster?
You'll have six more weeks of stupidity!
What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a puppy?
Ground-dog Day!
What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?
He became a pound hog!
What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?
We'll have six more weeks of splinters!
Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
He was having a bad lair day!
What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?
Ground Nog Day!
What's green, has four legs, and jumps out of its hole on February 2?
The ground frog!

What day is today?

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "Iíll bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.

"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.

"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!

Groundhog Day         Candlemas        Chinese New Year        Valentine's Day

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