 Witty
Christmas One-liners
What did
Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve ! How do you
make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell
him a joke on Christmas Eve ! What do you
have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !What does
Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa
Claustrophobia ! What do you
call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !Who
delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa
Paws ! Why does
Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him ! Who
delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus ! How many
chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !Why is Santa
like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because
he's Sooty ! Q: Why is
Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the
credit.
Free
Christmas Wallpapers and Screensavers
Father
Christmas Jokes
What do you
get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
Santa Clues !Father
Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now
thats what you call pot luck ! What do the
reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !What do you
call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause
! Twinkle
Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !What
does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's
Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering
presents ?
Santa
pause !
Free
Christmas Wallpapers and Screensavers
Party Jokes
What
did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party ?
Freeze a jolly fellow !What
party game did Jekyll like best
?
Hyde
and Seek ! Did
you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone ?
A dog ate him in the hall !What
would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing
?
Hope
they were going as a fancy dress party ! Why
couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ?
It was a moth ball !How
did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
Chick
to chick ! Did
you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ?
It was a scream !Did
you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons &
crackers ?
It went with a bang ! What
did Dracula say at the Christmas party ?
Fancy a bite ?Why
couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?
He
had no body to go with !
Free
Christmas Wallpapers and Screensavers
Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas
tree:
10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers
stuck into it
7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a
joy ride
6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"
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